| Father Harris was motoring along a country lane in his parish on a spring afternoon when all of a sudden he got a flat tire. Exasperated, the priest stopped his car, got
out, and assessed the damage. Luckily a four-wheel-drive jeep rounded the bend and pulled to a stop behind the crippled vehicle. The door to the jeep opened and out stepped a powerful hunk of a man. "Good afternoon, Father," greeted the stranger. "Can I give you a hand?" "Heaven be praised," rejoiced the priest. "As you can see, my son, I have a flat tire, and I must admit I've never changed one before." "Don't worry about it, Father. I'll take care of it." And without skipping a beat, the bruiser picked up the front of the car with one hand and removed the lug nuts from the base of the flat tire with the other. "Why don't you get the spare from the trunk?" "Why, ahh, yes, of course, my son," stuttered the amazed Father Harris. The priest rolled the spare around to the strong-man who casually lifted it up with his free hand, maneuvered it into place, and proceeded to tighten the lug nuts. "Do you need the wrench?" the Father queried. "That's OK," the fellow told him. "These nuts are as tight as a nun's snatch." "Hmmmm..." mused Father Harris. "I'd better get the wrench." |
| I've lived a few years in my home, and the pretty neighbour next door and I always flirted with each other, despite her being married. One day, when speaking to her husband, he said, "I need to have my apartment painted, but I work all day and I get tired. I tried to hire a professional painter but the guy asked me for the an arm and a leg..." At that moment, I just had a brilliant idea. "Don't sweat it, neighbor! I'm on vacation and painting walls is my favorite hobby! It would be a pleasure to do this task." The husband accepted the offer gladly. I don't want to brag about my conversation skills, but I barely started to paint the apartment and I already had that woman in bed with me. But, bad luck... We were just starting and I did not expect the husband to forget his documents and that, for that reason, he had to return home at that specific moment. The neighbor, listening to her husband opening the door, runs to the bathroom, and the guy enters the room and finds me, naked, at the top of the ladder, with my brush on the wall, painting. Screaming, he shouts at me, "What the heck is this? You started painting in my bedroom, and NAKED?" "Hey buddy, I'm working for free, so I start wherever I want!" "But naked?" "You really wanted me to stain my new clothes with paint?" "And with a boner, you bastard?" "And just where am I going to hang the darn bucket!?!" |
| A couple was on vacation up in the woods. One morning, the husband got up before dawn, went fishing and returned, just as his wife was rising. While he slept, she decided to take his boat out to the middle of the lake and read. Unfamiliar with the lake, she picked a likely spot, anchored the boat, and started reading. Soon the game warden pulled his boat up alongside hers. "What are you doing, Ma'am?" he asked. "Reading my book." "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but you're in a no-fishing area; I'm gonna have to haul you in." "What? I'm not fishing!" He replied, "Perhaps; but your boat is filled with fishing gear. You have the equipment. I'm afraid I'm just going to have to write you up!" Angry, she snapped, "If you do, I'll charge you with rape." The warden was shocked, "But I didn't touch you!" To which, she replied, "Yes, but you have the equipment!" |
| Two guys were walking down the street one day when they came across a small pair of gym shorts on the ground. They decided to put a sign up on the church bulletin board so the rightful owner could claim them. The first one starts to write out the sign, "FOUND: one pair of boys gym shorts." "Hold on," says the second, "Those are girls gym shorts." "No they're not," says the first, "They're boys shorts!" The second grabs them from him and takes a closer look, "No, no... Definitely girls gym shorts!" The two of them are inspecting the shorts in turns and arguing. "Boys shorts!", "No, girls shorts!", "Definitely boys shorts!" .... and so on. The local priest is walking past as the two men argue and can't help but ask them what the commotion is all about. The first guy tells the priest, and asks him if he could sort out the argument. The priest takes the shorts, has a good long sniff, and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says, "Definitely boys shorts!..... but not from my parish!" |