| I let my wife borrow the bmw today... I told her to be careful, there's plenty of idiots on the road in London. Sure enough about 15 minutes later on the radio; I hear that there's a car driving on the wrong side of the road in my area. I gave her a call: Be careful love, someone's driving on the wrong side of the road. Wife: Someone is...? EVERYONE IS! |
| While riding my motorbike, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?" As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for..., "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look." She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head." "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." Well, she was pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "Still in the ditch with the motorbike, I guess." |
| There's a beer convention in town, and all the CEOs from all the beer companes are there. During a break between seminars, a few of them went down to the hotel bar for a drink. The Anheuser Busch CEO says to the bartender, "I'll have a Budweiser, the King of Beers," and he takes his drink and sits at a table. The Coors CEO says, "I'll have a Coors, Brewed with Pure Rocky Mountain Spring Water," and joins the other CEO. The Heineken CEO says, "I'll have a Heineken, Lager Beer at its Best," and he, too, sits at the table. The Guinness CEO says, "I'll have a glass of water, please," and joins the others. The other three CEOs look at him, puzzled, and one of them inquires, "You're drinking water?" "Yes," he replies. "If you three aren't drinking beer, then neither am I." |
| So, my wife managed to crash the car again today. When the police showed up, she was all fired up, insisting that the guy she hit was being totally reckless. "He was on his phone! Can you believe it?!" she exclaimed. "And, to make matters worse, he was sitting there, casually sipping on a can of beer!" The officer, trying his best to hold back a smile, took a deep breath, looked her dead in the eye, and said, "Ma'am... he can do whatever he wants... in his own living room." |