Mature Jokes

A couple had been divorced for about 6 months, but still remained good friends. This worked out pretty good since the both lived in the same apartment building. One day he slipped and broke his arm...

A girl had devised a device to cause any car that passed in front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn`t find any practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the device...

Nina, Jill and Mary were duly impressed when Rosey arrived for their weekly bridge game, wearing a gorgeous new mink coat. "That`s a lovely mink, Rosey," purred Nina "It must have cost you a fortune...

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What`s wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk, and...

A man during his vacation to Thailand, ordered a massage session in his room. One for his wife and one for him. After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai girl said, "Massage pinis...

This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car. A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guy got out, shaking like a leaf. The cop said...

A young woman visited her eye doctor complaining of failing eyesight. The doctor sat her in front of a standard eye chart.
Doctor, "Can you read the bottom line?"
Girl, "No...

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her...

"Doc, I can`t sleep anymore," the man complained. "I`ve tried everything, but I just toss and turn."
"You have to learn to relax," the doctor said. "Try putting each part of your body to sleep separately...

The Admiral`s daughter finally persuaded her father to allow her to marry the able seaman. The admiral was still worried about his decision some months later so he warned his daughter...