Mature Jokes

Texas Rancher was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her...

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was...

Here are some genuine examples of imperfect, but amusing, English found around the world.
In a Bangkok Temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN...

There was a father and son who were always in competition with each other. One day the son left to take an entrance exam at a university. He wanted to major in medicine. A week later he returned from his trip...

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf. One remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and...

Maury was catching a lot of his ribbing from his buddies in the bar. "You got 17 kids?" exclaimed Pauly, "Why you orta hold back a little bit and think of your poor wife."
"But I DO think of her, but...

An Admiral was visiting one of his ships. While having tea, he noticed that every biscuit had the ship`s insignia embossed on it. He is very impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this...

A blonde orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman`s boobs and splashes all over them.

The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks...

Pappu: I don`t like masturbution.
Santa stunned: What...!!! What are you talking.
Pappu: Yes dad, I am fed up of masturbution now.
Santa was speechless but still managed to speak out...

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow...